Apologize

This one is named after the song by The Honorary Title.
To preface this entry, I'd like whoever is going to be reading this to know that I don't have anyone specific in mind, it's based merely on observation.

I was inspired to write this particular entry by two things:
1) conversations with one of my best friends earlier today
2) the blog said friend wrote about an hour ago

What I put into things, I usually expect to get exactly the same thing back. Especially with my friends. It's basically Newton's third Law of Motion applied to friendships. But it doesn't always work like that.

It makes sense, right? Everyone has friends who they feel don't care about them. Those friends may say they care about you, but their actions don't show it. Believe me when I say this: actions speak louder than words.

So, pay attention to your friendships. If you notice friendships are dwindling or becoming less than what they used to be, maybe the problem is you. If you don't want the friendship to continue, that's fine. Every song has to end sometime, right? But if you care about the person and want them to continue being in your life, do something about it. The problem could be them, of course, but if it isn't, don't just sit around and expect them to do all the work. Friendships, any relationship for that matter, take effort. Remember that.

Sideways

Off balance doesn't even begin to describe how I've been feeling for the last couple months. I've had to really decide what I want to do and if I want to continue on with the major I committed to a year ago. Yes, there was a big reason for my re-evaluating, but I don't want to get into it. It wasn't until I was sitting in the audience at Gershwin Theater waiting for Wicked to begin, and hearing the first few notes that I knew I was making a mistake. I was instantly tearing up and by the finale I had tears streaming down my face. Music affects me that much.

The uncertainty has extended further than just my career goals, though. I fear that in the last few months I have changed into the person I really and truly am, and that may have affected a couple of my friendships. One for the negative. It worries me. A lot. I'm a worrier. I've never pretended to be anything else, but it's started to be a very bad thing. I don't know how to fix it. I think it's past fixing right now.