Elsewhere

I'm a daydreamer. I always have been. I can sit in silence for hours at a time and get lost in my thoughts and imagination. I think about things I want to happen, things I wish would happen. I play out different scenarios to try and figure the outcome before I take any action. Anything can happen in my head. Anything is possible. But then I'm taken back to reality and everything shifts from what I think and what I want to what everyone else expects and demands of me.

I've always considered myself to be a pretty independent person. I've chased independence actually. When it's come to big decisions though, I don't typically make them myself. I rely on the people close to me to help me make decisions I should make on my own. It's like I feel like I'm going to screw up if I don't have help from other people with stuff like that. Maybe that's because if I have help from other people, I can blame it on someone else if I fail. It's easier to lay blame on other people than yourself.

I talk about how much I want to be on my own and I want to be living life the way I want to, but it scares me. Being on my own scares the hell out of me, but I am getting so restless these days that I have to do something. So what's my next step? I'm most likely transferring schools and adding another major onto my plate. I have lived in the same place for 12 (almost 13) years and I haven't had an opportunity to be on my own and be away from my parents. Obviously it's scary because I'd be on my own, but it's something I have to do. For me. I need an opportunity to be on my own and live the way I want to. All I ask of anyone is to understand and let me do this for myself.

"Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother can’t you see I’ve got
To live my life the way I feel is right for me
Might not be right for you but it’s right for me...
I believe..."